The Stories We Tell Ourselves

How to live happily ever after with your teammate

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Let me tell you a story….

Once upon a time, there was an adorable white dog. He was the bestest white dog who loved cookies and loved his person. He’d do anything for his person, including learning how to play Agility. He patiently learned about jumping things and going through things and going around things. He waited when his person was too slow; and came back to keep training when she made mistakes. He truly was the bestest white dog. But then his person started to get good at Agility. She started taking him to more and more competitions, and wanted to stand on a box with other people. The white dog didn’t understand what was so special about a box (in fact he thought it was weird) but he loved his person and he loved cookies so he went to the shows and did the things, sometimes with more enthusiasm than others. And his person started to think “I’ve done everything I can with this dog, he’s just never going to be as competitive as the other dogs. He’s not built for speed.”. So his person got another dog, who was small, and grey, and wolfie. And his person started spending lots of time with the other dog, teaching it all the things that the white dog had learned. And the person learned more about dog training, about handling, about motivation and drive. And the white dog got faster. The white dog stood on more and more boxes. The white dog became “Mr. Perfect”, and “my comfy jeans”, and “Mr. Dependable”. And in the end, the white dog only continued to get more competitive, despite getting more and more grey on his face.

If you haven’t figured out yet, this is my story. It’s a story of how I was ready to give up on Riley, was already planning his retirement, and only kept running him until I “had a more competitive dog" to run. I thought I knew a lot about Agility, about dog training, about motivation, but in hindsight, I really knew just enough to cause myself grief. And ultimately, I was able to watch my dog, to see how he responded to the new things I learned, and change the story that I was telling myself, so that instead of creating a limiting story (“we’ll never be good enough”) I was able to create a story that has allowed me to achieve so many dreams.

I’ve been thinking a lot about these types of stories recently. I see them daily in the “under socialized” pandemic puppy that is a mix of two breeds renowned for being environmentally sensitive (and in all likelihood would have exhibited these behaviors pandemic or no), or in the dog who “never listens” but actually does some amazing recalls in very rewarding environments with fairly good consistency. The next time you start telling yourself a negative story about your teammate, just pause for a second. Think about how you can take your limiting, negative story and turn it into something expansive and positive. Maybe your “under socialized” pandemic puppy just needs a moment to figure out new environments, and maybe you need to delve deeper into the world of environmental sensitivities to help your puppy learn some coping mechanisms. Maybe your dog who “never listens” just didn’t find you rewarding enough in that moment, or there were competing stimuli, and so you (the handler) need to experiment with reward types and build your recall in various environments.

Let’s stop labelling and limiting our teammates because we are frustrated with a behavior. Let’s drop the emotion, take a step back, and let our rational brain find a better solution. And if you’re having trouble doing that in the moment, then stop whatever you are training and take a break. You can’t be your best trainer when you are tied up in your own emotions.

If we can all do this, then we and our teammates will live happily ever after, steadily crushing our goals one day at a time.