Dealing with Marvin the Bumblebee…
…or at least not letting him rule your life
This is my thinking face. Photo credit: the Amazing Lee Anne Gay!
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Meet Marvin. He’s a Bumblebee. He has a big, fat, black and yellow body, and likes to lazily drone along from flower to flower on hot summer days. He’s actually quite adorable; I mean how can you not like a Bumblebee named Marvin? The only problem with Marvin is he likes to buzz around my head, right when I need to focus and stay in the moment. You see, Marvin represents anxiety, negative thoughts, self-judgements, and put-downs. He has a tendency to crop up right before entering a ring, or on my way to a trial, and he impacts my performance on everything from course plans, to walk thrus, to actual runs. These thoughts are distractions that prevent me from focusing my energy where I need it most, and ultimately impact my ability to reach peak performance. As a result, I’ve worked very hard over the past year to come up with some coping strategies for Marvin, and thought I’d take the time to share them here.
Name Your Enemy….And Make it Cute
It took me a while to recognize that the goal in dealing with negative thoughts is not to eradicate them completely. This is almost certainly unattainable, and beyond that, these thoughts do have value, if you can learn to see them as insights into your subconscious. So rather than punishing myself for each negative thought, my first strategy was to recognize them for what they were; namely thoughts that do not reflect reality, and then to push them to the side until a time where it is convenient for me to address them (i.e. not on the start line). And thus, Marvin the Bumblebee was born. The analogy was apt for me, as like a Bumblebee on a lovely Summer day, Marvin is not truly dangerous, but that doesn’t mean I want him buzzing around my head as I’m trying to eat my slice of pie. Marvin was just a cute name that I thought was funny for a Bumblebee, helping these thoughts to seem less like a “bad” thing, and more of a minor annoyance. And so when I have these thoughts, I think to myself “oh look there’s Marvin buzzing around my head” and then I think “shoo Marvin. Ain’t no one got time for you right now”. I know, this sounds goofy and weird. But seriously give it a shot, and see if you don’t 1) immediately feel better about the fact that you have negative thoughts (how can you not giggle at Marvin???) and 2) do a better job of preventing those thoughts from running your life for a few seconds.
Talk About Your Problems….to Yourself
I mentioned that negative thoughts can provide a unique glimpse into our subconscious, if we are willing to face them. One strategy for facing them is to incorporate Gestalt practices, where essentially you hold a conversation with yourself, and continue asking “why” (I’m sure I over-simplified that, and readers with a Psych background are probably rolling their eyes, but stick with me). What this means for me is that when I recognize Marvin, and I have the time to deal with him (rather than saying “shoo”), I mentally create two versions of myself: Thing 1 feels and resonates with the Marvin thoughts, Thing 2 is clinically detached and trying to understand those thoughts. I then use Thing 2 to question Thing 1 resulting in a mental conversation along the following lines:
Recognize that I’m having anxiety about X person being present at an upcoming trial.
Thing 2: “Why are you worried about that person being there?”
Thing 1: “Because they are at the top of the sport and an elite handler”
Thing 2: “Yes but why do you care about their opinion?”
Thing 1: “Because I want to impress them”
Thing 2: “OK but don’t you always tell your students that no one watches you at trials anyways?”
Thing 1: “Yes but what if it’s the 2 secs where they are watching and I make a mistake?”
Thing 2: “If they are such an elite handler, and truly someone worthy of your respect, don’t you think they will be able to see the work and training that you have put in despite any mistakes? When you watch others do you see their mistakes or do you see their strengths?”
Thing 1: “Touche”
Suddenly I am able to breath easier and not feeling that clenchy anxiety feeling in my chest.
I’m not kidding. I actually had that convo with myself two weeks ago. And it actually did make me feel better. Its in conversations like these that I can start to peel apart what is truly driving me. Am I seeking admiration or trying to people please? And if so are the expectations created from those desires realistic; are they even goals I consciously want to pursue? If not, how do I redirect my focus onto an avenue that better serves my overall Vision (see last week on Vision creation)?
Lean in to the Discomfort
Now of course, the example above requires a willingness to engage in these conversations; a desire to pull back the layers of yourself, to expose the raw and tender inner workings. I’m not going to lie, that process is painful, and having that level of honesty with yourself is difficult. It requires having a certain degree of empathy for yourself. I would not have been successful in calming my anxiety in the example above if I immediately started judging myself for seeking external admiration. That’s the human equivalent of punishing your dog when they finally recalled to you. Instead we need to have compassion for ourselves, and recognize these thoughts in a non-judgemental way, then move forward in a redirected manner. In other words, praise ourselves for coming when called, then train ourselves to come more quickly.
Finally, recognize that these strategies require effort. You need to intentionally apply them, and put the work into knowing and growing yourself. Change won’t come overnight, and these strategies continue to challenge me. There are days where I apply all of these, and feel the panic and anxiety rising rather than abating. That’s ok. Sometimes I won’t be successful, but I like to think it is better to have tried, and perhaps to have learned something about myself, than to run from the emotions and learn nothing at all.